JUSTICE FOR JEROME

It has emerged this week that there are dark forces at work at the BBC, far darker than the hairdye used by Donna Trainor so that people don’t confuse her with Pamela Ballantine, as it emerged that Jerome Quinn is suing the organisation for discrimination on the basis that he’s ginger.

“Anti-Gingerism is rife at the BBC, just look at the evidence” said Quinn, highlighting the fact that Cilla Black has never been employed by the organisation, or the fact that The Krankees are no longer on before adding “I notice Jackie McCann is doing a lot more weather reports these days. Is there something about Angie Philips and Cecilia Daly that has offended them I wonder?”

Quinn also claimed that the BBC’s news agenda is geared towards “Protestant sports” such as motorbike racing.

Motorbike Racing has been associated with Protestatism for so long, that a recent poll listed it as the Number 1 protestant stereotype alongside marching on the 12th and supporting Rangers.

The tradition dates back to the reformation, when Martin Luther was heard to shout “Here der bai, see ma noo religion, weeeel ba riding oor baks roon Ballymoney hai”

In fact, The Battle of The Boyne was rumoured to have been started because King James objected to King Billy dooing wheelies in the street late at night.

Jerome, whose CV doesn’t include appearing in Soldier Soldier or singing with Robson Green, is known to his legion of fans (ie – his mum and his sister) as “Mr GAA”.

Unlike some people who give themselves a self-proclaimed nickname in order to hide their insecurities about their popularity, Jerome Quinn actually won the title of Mr GAA by successfully oilwrestling Peter Canavan and Adrian Logan at a ceremony held at Saint and Greavsie’s GAC Ballyaugknock, hosted by popular singer and camogie player, Lady Gaa Gaa.

Like Jerome’s views on society and the Northern Ireland football team, his use of internet technology is very much stuck in the past, as he is alleged to have slagged off his employers on a GAA messageboard, unlike most celebrities who use Twitter and Facebook to make humiliating PR gaffes.

“But things are looking up for me” Quinn told a man walking by who he assumed might be interested “I passed around my business card, JEROME QUINN – MR GAA, AVAILABLE FOR HIRE a few weeks ago, and got an immediate response. I’m meeting a gentleman in The Kremlin who says he wants to hook up with me”

Representing himself, and the millions of other oppressed ginger kids, Quinn says he has chosen to represent himself due to financial hardship, adding “The situation got so bad, I considered applying to work for UTV”

It seems, you can put a price on a lawyer, but not on keeping your dignity.

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