THE FATHER TED FIVE : 3. THE CHINESE

Who knew that Mrs Doyle taking a few days off due to a sore back could lead to Ted tackling international relations?

With Mrs Doyle unavailable, Ted and Dougal start work on cleaning the Parochial House. Ted takes a stray lampshade and does a “Chinaman impression”

To Ted’s horror, he turns around to see three Chinese people staring through the window.

What I love most about this joke is the role reversal between Ted and Dougal, with Ted being and idiot, and Dougal being the knowledgable one, as Dougal knows who the people are, and that they come from the Chinatown district of Craggy Island, with Ted unaware that Craggy Island had a Chinatown.

Ted tries to get the Chinese community onside with a presentation on cultural diversity, pointing out that “there are many types of people in this world. People who are Chinese, and people who aren’t Chinese”, he accidentally includes a slide of a Maori person, before pointing out that there are no Maoris on Craggy Island, much to the disappointment of a lone Maori in the audience.

It wasn’t the presentation that won Ted Chinese friends, but the offer of free booze.

Some great one liners in this episode, as Ted suggests that Jack might be Agoraphobic, which Dougal disputes, stating that he doesn’t believe Jack would be afraid of a fight, thinking he meant Aggrophobic.

A parishioner reacts to the rumours of Ted’s alleged racist attitudes by stopping him in the street to congratulate him, on the mistaken belief that it was the Greeks that Ted was hating.

Ironically, it just shows how wrong, um, Chinese Whispers can be.

The final punchline sums up Ted’s rotten luck, as a priest with a vast collection of Nazi memorabilia dies, and donates them all to Ted, who brings his new Chinese friends back to the Parochial House having convinced them that he’s not racist only to see Nazi memorabilia waiting for them.

Poor Ted, all that good work undone.

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