MAGAZINE ARCHIVE : SMASH HITS – 31.7.1996

Eternal are the cover stars of this week’s Smash Hits, described as being “Now with added bounce”.

There is an Oasis column, keeping us up to date with Gallagher (and Arthurs, McGuigan, White) related news, Noel Gallagher told Tom Cruise at the premiere of Mission Impossible that he’d be a great James Bond.

There is a look at the headlines that have surrounded Jarvis Cocker this year, and Smash Hits assess their credibility.

Eternal are interviewed as they indulge in activities they find fun, such as rollerblading, going to the gym, and bowling.

In competitions, you could win the chance to meet Michael Jackson.

There is a three page feature on Suede, making a comeback and being described as “The Kings Of Pop”.

Bon Jovi’s website gets reviewed as is recommended to visit.

Dodgy are this week’s Singles Reviewers, unsurprisingly, give their own single Good Enough the award for Best Single.

Suggs takes questions from a biscuit tin, appropriately getting involved in the Digestives v Rich Tea debate, stating that Digestives are better.

The magazine ends with an interview with Mike Flowers.

MAGAZINE ARCHIVE : SMASH HITS – 19.4.1989

Wendy James of Transvision Vamp is the cover star of Smash Hits, having broken into the charts during 1989.

As you open the magazine, there is a poster of Fleetwood Mac and Rolling Stones haters The Reynolds Girls.

Smash Hits asks various pop stars if they are O-Zone friendly. Simon Le Bon states that the situation is “Bloody frightening”.

A Spokesperson for Prince Charles says he has given up using O-Zone damaging products.

Jim Kerr of Simple Minds will be hosting a show on Radio 1 about ecological concerns. There is also a cut out letter to send to lobby the Minister for the Environment.

Nathan Moore of Brother Beyond is subject to a questionnaire asking if he is a thug or a weed, with the result putting him in the middle.

There was a token for readers to get free badges – Kylie Minogue, Yazz, Rick Astley and Michael Jackson.

Smash Hits previews Madonna’s new album with a poster and an interview. The interview isn’t with Madonna, but the Songwriters she worked with on the album.

As well as hosting a show on Radio 1, Jim Kerr and his band Simple Minds have a new single out, This Is You Land, which gets the Lyrics Poster treatment.

Cover star Wendy James gets a two page interview, with the headline asking if she is the new Kylie Minogue, revealing that she was suspended from school for knocking over chairs in assembley.

Holly Johnson is the Singles Reviewer, wanting to sit on the fence for songs he doesn’t like such as Texas, Kylie Minogue and Cher. He awarded Best Single to I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan.

There is a feature on Duran Duran, as they try to regain their status as biggest band in the world.

The magazine ends with a poster of The Bangles.

THE FRIDAY FIVE – 17.11.2017

1. The Killers – Run For Cover
2. Arcade Fire – Creature Comfort
3. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – Fort Knox
4. Roy Orbison and Royal Philharmonic Orchestra – I Drove All Night
5. Yazoo – Only You (2017 Version)

This Sunday is International Men’s Day. So, prepare yourself for some manly charts. Grrrr!!!

If you’re celebrating, enjoy yourself. That’s cool. If it’s just another day to you, enjoy yourself. That’s cool.

Just don’t be a self hating dick about it. Seriously, nobody wants to hear an attention seeker desperate for attention by sticking the boot into people to show how wonderful they are to people who hate them.

SONGS BY MALE SINGERS

1. Prince – Gold
2. John Parr – St Elmo’s Fire
3. Peter Gabriel – Big Time
4. Holly Johnson – Love Train
5. Seal – Kiss From A Rose

SONGS WITH MALE NAMES IN THE TITLE

1. Oasis – Little James
2. Bat For Lashes – Daniel
3. REM – What’s The Frequency Kenneth?
4. Joshua Kaddison – Jesse
5. Rednex – Cotton Eye Joe

SONGS WITH MAN IN THE TITLE

1. Michael Jackson – Man In The Mirror
2. Hall and Oates – Family Man
3. Human League – One Man In My Heart
4. The Verve – Lucky Man
5. David Bowie – The Man Who Sold The World

THE FRIDAY FIVE – 18.11.2016

1. Bastille – Send Them Off
2. Rose Elinor Dougall – Stellular
3. Tove Lo – True Disaster
4. Bruno Mars – 24k Magic
5. Catfish and the Bottlemen – Outside

Tomorrow, is International Men’s Day. Just another day for me, but if you’re commemorating it, enjoy yourself.

Some people even choose to celebrate it by being a self-hating dick on Twitter.

But most importantly, it’s an opportunity to do some theme charts. And yes, I do the same on International Women’s Day. It’s on March 8th if you don’t know. You may be shocked to realise you can point out the date of something and not be a sneering dick like Richard Herring.

SONGS WITH MAN/MEN/BOY IN THE TITLE

1. Duran Duran – Wildboys
2. Michael Jackson – Man In the Mirror
3. The Verve – Lucky Man
4. The Charlatans – North Country Boy
5. Andrew Gold – Lonely Boy

SONGS BY MEN

1. Simple Minds – She’s A River
2. U2 – The Fly
3. Bruce Springsteen – Badlands
4. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know?
5. 10CC – The Things We Do For Love

SONGS WITH MEN’S NAME IN THE TITLE

1. Elliott Smith – Son Of Sam
2. Bat For Lashes – Daniel
3. Joshua Kaddison – Jesse
4. Oasis – Little James
5. Rednex – Cotton Eye Joe

MAGAZINE ARCHIVE : FOOTBALL ITALIA – JUNE 1996

It’s the summer of 1996 and Fabrizio Ravanelli is the cover star of Football Italia, as he gets ready to head to England for Euro 96. Little did we know, that a few months later, he would be making England his permanent residence.

The editorial focuses on Channel 4 clarifying that they’re not ditching their live coverage of Serie A, as they were unable to show recent games due to a combination of players taking strike action, and games being moved to Saturday.

In news, Fabio Capello is leaving AC Milan for Real Madrid, while Carlo Ancelotti is replacing Nevio Scala at Parma. In transfer news, Aron Winter is signing for Inter, while Gianluca Vialli has held talks with Parma, Rangers and several Premier League clubs.

There was a double page spread dedicated to the recent player strike in protest at the governing body negotiating a TV deal without consulting players and the increase of violence in stadiums. Gianluca Vialli’s involvement in organising the strike saw him be nicknamed “Robin Hood”

In more news, Mark Fish has signed for Lazio, becoming the first South African to play in Series A, while Michael Jackson was staying in the same hotel as the Parma team before their European Cup Winners Cup tie. Fulham supporter Jackson turned down the opportunity of a Parma scarf.

John Helm does a double page spread where he visits Chimney House Hotel in Sandbach, Cheshire, which will be Italy’s base during Euro 96. The hotel had to order in a bed specifically for Italy’s tall goalkeeper Sebastiano Rossi.

Italy weren’t the first team to stay there according to the manager of the hotel, they usually get away teams facing Crewe Alexandra staying there.

There is a four page spread focusing on the rise of players in Italy’s top two divisions who are well into their 30s, such as Pietro Vierchowod, looking forward to a European Cup final at the age of 37.

Football Italia previews Euro 96, with a guide to what games are live on what channel in the UK, and a team by team preview, expecting Italy to beat England in the semi-final before beating Holland in the final. Italy went out in the group stage.

It is predicted that Russia will get a lot of local support at their group matches at Old Trafford and Anfield, due to them having Everton’s former Manchester United player Andrei Kanchelskis in their line-up.

Both finalists, Germany and Czech Republic were predicted to go out in the group stages.

All three European competitions are reviewed ahead of their finals, and it’s a relatively bleak year for Italian football, with Parma (European Cup Winners Cup), Roma and AC Milan (UEFA Cup) all exiting at the quarter-finals.

Juventus are in the European Cup Final to face Ajax, in what is expected to be Gianluca Vialli’s last game for the club.

After Genoa beat Port Vale 5-2 at Wembley, Football Italia does a double page spread asking if the tournament should be scrapped.

James Richardson’s column previews Italy’s chances in England, noting that, for many Italians, the jury is still out on manager Arrigo Sacchi.

Ken Wolstenholme debuts his column, where he went to a Serie A game for the first time, Fiorentina v Juventus, where met the chairman of a London based Fiorentina Supporters Club, who are now on the internet, the link is posted by Wolstenholme.

As the magazine ends, the editor’s column focuses on the vacant England manager position, suggesting that the best contender is working in Serie A – Roy Hodgson of Inter Milan. It only took the FA 16 years to take his advice.

3

MAGAZINE ARCHIVE : Q – SEPTEMBER 1992

Morrissey, without a shirt, with the headline “Talking up Your Arsenal”, is the cover star of Q, as he prepares to release his latest solo album, Your Arsenal.

Garry Bushell feels Q’s wrath, as the subject of their “Who the hell does ……” column.

In news, Axl Rose surrendered himself to police on charges of provoking a riot, a full year after a concert in St Louis ended in a riot.

Kylie Minogue stated she was only friends with Prince.

Pat Roberts, new singer of The Stranglers, interviews celebrity Stranglers fan Stuart Pearce for their fan club magazine.

Pearce complained that a local radio show he was asked to guest DJ on had censored some of his picks, such as The Clash, The Damned and The Vibrators.

Pearce also said that his music videos “get howled off” in favour of dance and soft rock by his team-mates.

Not sure if the interview did Pearce any good, as Nottingham Forest got relegated that season.

Meanwhile, Sinead O’Connor has recorded some backing vocals for Peter Gabriel’s new album.

The BBC were forced to issue a denial that they were on the verge of cancelling Top Of The Pops.

Sophie B Hawkins, having had a Transatlantic hit with Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover, gets a double page feature.

Another female getting the double page treatment is Betty Boo, determined not to be seen as a flash in the pan, declaring “I don’t see myself rapping in 10 years time. I do eventually want to sing. I’m capable of writing songs”

The subject of “Where Are They Now?” was Adam and the Ants, it was revealed that Adam was working on a rockier solo album with Bernard Edwards from Chic, and Larry Blackmon from Cameo.

Reading Festival gets a four page feature as it celebrates it’s 20th anniversary.

Michael Jackson’s new tour gets a feature, looking at the excessive record company promotion of Jackson.

Q’s big Morrissey interview sees him issue his wrath on Johnny Rogan, the author of a biography of him and Johnny Marr, which he had refused to co-operate on, stating, “It was billed as the definitive story of The Smiths. The only definitive story of The Smiths is my story, if I ever tell it”

When questioned on a song that seems to sympathise with football hooligans, he simply replies “Well, they have such great taste in footwear”, before ending “As long as people don’t die, I am amused”

On Politics, he adds “I don’t want to be European, I want England to remain an island”

To accompany the article, Q gets musicians such as David Bowie, Justin Currie, Siobhan Fahey, Carl Smyth and Brett Anderson to list their favourite Morrissey song.

TOP 25 SIMPSONS GUEST STARS

Believe it or not, America’s favourite family celebrates 25 years since it’s first ever episode (full episodes, not it’s appearances on The Tracey Ullman Show)

That’s The Simpsons, not The Waltons, although George Bush might disagree. George Bush was, of course, a memorable Simpsons character, although it wasn’t voiced by him. If it was, it would have been one of the greatest Simpsons guest stars ever.

In celebration of The Simpsons 25th anniversary, here’s 25 of the best guest stars of The Simpsons.

1. MICHAEL JACKSON

Jackson played a man pretending to be Michael Jackson, who befriended Homer when Homer was admitted to an asylum, referred to by guards as “The big white guy who thinks he’s the little black guy”

Homer has never heard of Michael Jackson, prompting the classic line :

“I’ve never heard of you, name one of your songs” “Beat It” “No you beat it”

Homer invites “Michael” to visit his family, who speaks to Bart, who is fooled by the voice believing him to be Michael Jackson, so he tells everyone.

A large crowd appears, only to be disappointed when it wasn’t Michael Jackson. Meanwhile, Bart forgets to get Lisa a birthday present, so “Michael” helps Bart write a song for her.

2. DUSTIN HOFFMAN

Hoffman played an inspirational teacher, Mr Bergstrom, who covers for Miss Hoover when she goes off sick. Mr Bergstrom isn’t afraid to make fun of himself, encouraging his kids to make fun of his name, suggesting Mr Nerdstrom or Mr Boogerstrom.

Eventually, he leaves town for another school, leaving Lisa heartbroken.

Classic line, came after bumping into Lisa and Homer at a museum, to Lisa :

“I thought that your dad was helping you with your homework. After talking to him, I believe that not to be the case”

3. RINGO STARR

A brief one, where Marge rediscovers her love of painting, and it emerges she sent some paintings of Ringo Starr to Ringo Starr. He’d spent 25 years replying to fanmail and finally got around to Marge. In this episode, he revealed that his real name is Richard, and that they have french fries in England, only they call them chips.

4. SPINAL TAP

Bart goes to a Spinal Tap concert and decides he wants to be a rock star. Taking his guitar to school, Otto gives an inpromptu concert on the buss, causing him to run late, then speed to get the kids to school on time, causing him to lose his lices, job and house. He eventually gets them all back.

It’s Spinal Tap, who steal the show, with so many classic lines ”

“Hello Springton!!!!”

“We’re very big in Eastern Europe. We bought a soccer team in Hungaria, or is it Bulgaria. I dunno, it’s one of the Garias”

“Could you record a trailer, nobody rocks as good as Bill and Marty?” “But what if somebody does rock as good as Bill and Marty? Or better?”

5. ELIZABETH TAYLOR

Two time guest star, playing Maggie Simpson, only saying one word at the end of the episode where the reminisce about Lisa’s first word. Although, none of the other family members heard it.

Then there was a later appearance as herself, turning down the chance to appear in a Krusty The Clown Special

6. KELSEY GRAMMAR

Sideshow Bob. Say no more. So many appearances, i’m not even sure if he’s a guest star or a regular cast member.

Classic Moment : The rakes. Burrrggggghhhh!!!!! Burrrggggghhhh!!!!!

7. DANNY DEVITO

A guest role as Herb Powell, as Homer’s half brother, who Homer only discovered when Granpa made a deathbed confession when he thought he was dying. It turns out, that Herb is a very rich man, making his money from running a car company.

Herb decides to bond with his new found brother, allowing him to design a car, with predictable results, ending with him being bankrupt.

Devito makes a second appearance, where he gets back on his feet and becomes successful again through a range of baby monitors, with the help of Homer.

8. GEORGE HARRISON

A second Beatle in this chart, Harrison says hello to Homer backstage at the Grammys, during his pop star days with The B Sharps, though is more excited about the food on offer. Later in the episode, The Be Sharps do a rooftop gig for fans, and Harrison’s chauffer driven car pulls over, for him to dismissively comment “That’s been done”

9. JON LOVITZ

Originally appeared as Jay Sherman, in cross promotion for his show The Critic, where he plays a film critic. Springfield hosts a film festival where he is invited to be a judge. Sherman finds himself being wedgied from a basketball hoop after accidentally suggesting (prompted by Bart) that MacGyver was gay, facing the wrath of Patti and Selma.

Lovitz also appears as the recurring character Artie Ziff, forever determined to win Marge’s affections.

10. JACKIE MASON

Legendary comedian plays the disapproving Rabbi dad of another comedian, Hershal Krustovsky (or, if you prefer, Krusty The Clown). In real life, Jackie Mason used to be a Rabbi.

11. PATRICK STEWART

Known simply as Number One, Stewart plays the leader of a secret organisation called The Stonecutters, who in son, claim to control the British crown, keep the metric system down, keeps the martians under wraps, and keeps Atlantic off the maps.

Although, he is deposed by Homer, after it emerges he has the sacred Stonecutters birthmark. Disagreements about Homer’s direction of the organisation results in a breakaway group, which excludes Homer.

12. GLENN CLOSE

Close stars as Homer’s long lost mum, Mona, in a few brief appearances. Upon meeting his new grandmother, Bart immediately brings up the backdated birthday and christmas presents he is owed.

Mona bonds with Lisa, they start singing Blowin In The Wind by Bob Dylan …

“How many roads must a man walk, before you can call him a man?” – Homer shouts a number before being told it was a rhetorical question, only to shout another number.

13. DOLLY PARTON

A brief appearance, she helps Homer and friends escape from “Superbowl Jail” with her make-up remover, after she shares a mutual friend with Homer, Travel Agent Wally Kogen, who organised the ill fated Superbowl trip.

14. MARK HAMILL

By being swamped by fans at a convention, Mark Hamill accidentally sends Homer’s career spinning in the direction of the security industry, when Mayor Quimbey is impressed by Homer’s rescue of Hamill.

Classic moment : Homer and Hamill flee to safety in a prop spaceship, only for them to exit ti seconds later, with Homer saying “How was I supposed to know it wasn’t a real spaceship?”

15. DONALD SUTHERLAND

Sutherland plays a historian fiercely loyal to the legacy of Jebediah Springfield, to the point that he attempts to sabotage Lisa’s investigation when she gets a sniff that Jebediah Springfield might not be the great cultural icon he’s made out to be, to the point she, her children, and her children’s children are banned from the Springfield Historical Society. For three months.

16. ADAM WEST

Masked crimefighter and political icon West is the guest of honour at a car show, where Bart and Lisa don’t know who he is, having only seen Tim Burton’s Batman movies, asking “Why doesn’t Batman dance? Remember the Batusi?”

17. JAY LENO/STEVEN WRIGHT

Jay Leno organises a Comedy Festival in Springfield, and Bart persuades him to put Krusty on the bill. Krusty bombs and announces his retirement, on a low. At his press conference, Krusty goes on a rant, having the press in howls of laughter, so he announces his comeback, and an edgy, underground comedian, before failing to resist the lure of money and commercialism, by appearing in a car commercial.

Steven Wright appears on the bill, declaring that he read the dictionary, and it turns out the zebra did it. Everybody laughs, except Homer, who didn’t get the joke.

18. STING

Bart plays a prank on Springfield, putting a two way radio down a well, pretending to be a trapped child under the name of Timmy O’Toole. Realising he put his nametag on the radio, Bart tries to retrieve it, only to fall down himself.

Timmy’s case got widespread sympathy, including a charity single, where Krusty contacts Sting, who he had sacked his opening at some years earlier.

Sting gets his hands dirty in the rescue mission, prompting this classic line :

“Mrs Simpson, I can’t sit by while one of my fans is in trouble”
“Actually, i’ve never heard Bart play any of your records”

Only for Homer to whisper “Shut up Marge, he’s a good digger”

19. THE WHO

Springfield gets split into two, with their own version of the Berlin Wall, only for a concert by The Who to reunited the divided city.

20. LISA KUDROW

The only Friend on the list, Kudrow plays a new girl at the school, who befriends Lisa’s circle of friends, and struggles to understand why a bunch of eight year olds are so immature.

21. DAVID HYDE PIERCE

Joining another guest star (shouldn’t be too hard to guess who) as Cecil Terwilliger, Bob’s brother, who still hasn’t got over missing out on being Krusty’s sidekick, attempting to frame his brother in a dodgy construction scam, which would result in a dam bursting.

When confronted by Bob, Cecil says he’ll get away with it due to a criminal mastermind with a grudge against the city being on the payroll, to which Bob reference’s Cousin Merle (one of the construction workers) and his issues with parking tickets, before “Oh. you mean me”

22. DAVID DUCHOVY/GILLIAN ANDERSON

Before investigating crime in Belfast, Gillian Anderson (along with X-Files co-star David Duchovny) investigated extra terrestrial activity in Springfield, when Homer claimed he saw an alien. It turned out to be Mr Burns, glowing, after his Friday evening medical treatment.

23. MARTIN SHEEN

Sheen stars as Seymour Skinner, who turned out to be held in a POW Camp for 25 years, and that the principal of the local school, was a fraud. The other Skinner came to inform Agnes Skinner that her son was believed to be dead, but he didn’t get a chance to deliver the news as she immediately took him in, believing him to be her son.

The new Skinner gets put in charge of the school, but his reign is unpopular, and is overthrown and deported from Springfield, with the fraud Skinner going back to his original job, and the real Skinner is never spoken of again.

24. JOHN WATERS

Waters plays a gay shop owner who Homer befriends, not knowing he is gay. Homer insists that John and his wife to dinner, only for Marge to drop hints that “John prefers being in the company of men”, which Homer replies “Who doesn’t?”, interpreting it as like he is in the company of Lenny and Karl at Moe’s

Homer eventually realises that John is gay, and sends Bart to kill a Reindeer, as a final attempt to try and stop Bart being gay in the future, only for the animals to attack them, and John arrives on the scene to save the day/

25. BASEBALL LEGENDS

I know nothing about Major League Baseball, but I know the episode where Mr Burns hires various Baseball legends to work at the power plant in order to play as ringers for the company team is a classic episode.

THE FRIDAY FIVE – 28.11.2014

1. McBusted – Air Guitar
2. Becky Hill – Losing
3. Alexa Goddard – So There
4. Erasure – Always
5. Ting Tings – Shut Up And Let Me Go

This Sunday, is St Andrew’s Day. Do, how about a chart? How about two charts? One for all things Andrew, and one for all things Scottish.

FIVE SONGS BY ACTS WITH A MEMBER CALLED ANDREW

1. Wham! – Freedom
2. Wax – Bridge To Your Heart
3. Roachford – Cuddly Toy
4. Andrew WK – Party Hard
5. Andrew Cole – Outstandin

FIVE SONGS BY SCOTTISH ACTS

1. Biffy Clyro – The Captain
2. Chvrches – Recover
3. Prides – Messiah
4. Strawberry Switchblade – Since Yesterday
5. Bay City Rollers – I Only Wanna Be With You

Last week, was International Men’s Day. Being the big sexist that I am, I forgot about it. So here, is a chart to commemorate it.

FIVE SONGS ABOUT MEN

1. Mansun – Electric Man
2. Michael Jackson – Man In The Mirror
3. REM – Man On the Moon
4. David Bowie – The Man Who Sold The World
5. The Verve – Lucky Man

FIVE SONGS WITH MEN’S NAMES IN THE TITLE

1. Oasis – Little James
2. Paul Simon – You Can Call Me Al
3. Bat For Lashes – Daniel
4. Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Geno
5. Fine Young Cannibals – Johnny Come Home

Last week, on X-Factor, was Elton John v Whitney Houston, that well known rivalry. They’re not even trying any more.

FIVE SONGS BY ELTON JOHN

1. I’m Still Standing
2. Made In England
3. I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues
4. Step Into Christmas
5. Kiss The Bride

FIVE SONGS BY WHITNEY HOUSTON

1. Your Love Is My Love
2. I Wanna Dance With Somebody
3. How Will I Know?
4. I’m Your Baby Tonight
5. If I Told You That (ft George Michael)

THE FRIDAY FIVE – 14.11.2014

1. Gabrielle Aplin – That’s All
2. Wonder Villains – Golden Five
3. Take That – These Days
4. Sophie Ellis-Bextor – True Faith
5. Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk

So, another week goes by, and once again, X-Factor make up the themes as they go along, as last week was Queen v Michael Jackson, that well known musical rivalry. Oh yes, I remember when the school playground was divided, and you were either Queen or Michael Jackson, there was no middle ground.

FIVE SONGS BY QUEEN

1. The Miracle
2. Seven Seas Of Rhye
3. Let Me Live
4. Innuendo
5. Bicycle Races

FIVE SONGS BY MICHAEL JACKSON

1. Man In The Mirror
2. Black Or White
3. Beat It
4. Will You Be There
5. They Don’t Really Care About Us

50 YEARS OF TOP OF THE POPS : AUG 29 – SEP 4

Summer is almost over and Winter is coming, but don’t feel down, here’s some classic TOTP for you.

Michael Jackson would have been 56 this week. Sadly, there isn’t that many TOTP performances, especially as an adult.

Turning 55 this week is noted perfectionist, Eddi Reader.

John Phillips of Mamas and Papas would have been 79 this week.

Glenn Tilbrook is still cool for cats at 57 this week.

Manx Manc Barry Gibb turned 68 this week.

Now, for a bit of Jam

Anyone else remember Lucie Silvas?

And finally, a bit of Beyonce …..